


Fade-Touched Inquisitor Lavellan

by Aljou



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adamant Fortress (Dragon Age), Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Solavellan Hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aljou/pseuds/Aljou
Summary: Alright so I got sucked into solavellan hell when I tried to unsuccessfully romance Cullen on any of my playthroughs after a mage f!elven inquisitor so here it goes. I haven’t written in years, so I’ll consider this my pet project; please treat it with care.“What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. a hand full of hair.

**Author's Note:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 1: a hand full of hair.

_Hey Solas, how do you say “excuse me” in elven or whatever?_ Ellana snorted just thinking about it. Sera was quite the handful sometimes, but she enjoyed her banter the most.

They had stopped by the Hinterlands to collect elfroot; Sera was always happy to tag along because she got to kill people in the way. Solas did not particularly mind the time he had to himself when the Inquisitor and Sera went off and talked about _whoknowswhat._

Besides, what wasn’t to like about the infinite gushing waterfalls that were home to the Hinterlands. She had grown especially fond of the one closest to the Upper Lake Camp, near Lake Luthias. One would think being the Inquisitor would make her curious about _everything_ , but she wasn’t. Not really. Certainly not about her companion’s bathing habits.

She was dalish. If she saw a river, she would dip into it. If she saw a lake, she would bathe in it. No difference if it were a waterfall. Ellana took one look at her bickering partners and excused herself to bathe.

“Don’t last long, yeah? All sorts of _peecocks_.” She hurled another obscene laugh at no one, but Solas sighed and nodded, nevertheless.

Once her clothes were placed aside, she carefully entered the waterfall. Adamant and the exchange with Solas at the Exalted Plains left her with more bruises than she wanted to recognize. She tangled her fingers in her hair, noticing the silky locks had grown since Haven. _What else had changed?_


	2. mirrors in the fade.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 2: mirrors in the fade.

Broken. The mirrors are broken, like the sky. It oozes magic, enough to _choke her down. Is this real? Is it?_ Breathe in. Shards surround her; trapped. Breathe out. _Is this real?_ A new mirror. She looks and finds herself…but different. Her eyes are a different shape, her hair a different color.

She moves a hand, and the figure in the mirror moves with her. It spoke. “I am you.” She is haunted by her own voice and drowned by her expression. _Are you real?_

A voice spoke back.

_Yes._

She awakens in the middle of the night and shivers softly. Lavellan was no stranger to the Fade, rather had always felt inclined to embrace the tendrils of magic it left in its wake, but this was different. She felt _called_ to the Fade by a spirit or her mark? _Maybe ask Solas? No-_ Ellana frowned. Why wouldn’t she confide in Solas? It was strange, stranger perhaps because of the dream she just had, but she didn’t want _him_ to speculate. She had never doubted him before…but she was dalish. Her instinct often proved to be her best ally. _Perhaps it was just a dream._ She narrows her eyes. It wasn’t _just_ a dream. She would talk to Cole about it tomorrow.

_What color is the sky?_

_…and when you look past the Breach? As perhaps you were drawn to do?_

_Greenish? Then clear a long ways, and kind of…felt like falling._

She would keep it a secret from him.


	3. remembering things best forgotten.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 3: remembering things best forgotten.

_Can I help you? You healed my hurt, but yours is old inside, vast across the Veil._

_I am fine, thank you. There are others who need your help more urgently._

_Yes._

They had always spoken in cryptic code; almost as if playing a game to see who was listening and who was not. Lavellan was thoughtful beyond her years; it was what made her such a good First. To even think that she wasn’t paying attention to their conversations was an insult to her, especially considering yesterday’s events. 

Her flinch attracted the attention of her companions. She almost cursed out loud. _Fenedhis! Lavellan you fool. If they were speaking about you, the least you could do was let them know you were listening._ Dorian’s warm hand distracted her from her turbulent thoughts and into his welcoming eyes.

“Are you sure you’re fine? I thought I saw you limping like a naughty dowager.” The smirk on his face was infectious as it brought out a smile from her.

“If you’re so concerned I might be inclined to letting you carry me to Skyhold, but seeing as you can’t even hold your balance near the sea, I’ll be quite fine on my own.” She rejoiced as he groaned out of mock outrage, distracting them from the private conversation between a spirit of compassion and his lonely friend. As they left the Waking Sea behind them, a hand subtly caught with her own.

“Vhenan.” Solas looked troubled, but she just smiled back.


	4. the eyes never lie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 4: the eyes never lie.

Their walk to Skyhold was a silent one. Lavellan was brooding over her thoughts while Cole and Solas trailed behind her, speaking softly. Dorian couldn’t help but notice the change of mood. Skyhold was full of juicy gossip about their balcony kiss ( _Did they really think no one was going to see them stick their tongue in each other’s throats on that damn balcony that overlooks Skyhold? Honestly)_ and now the distance between them was almost stagnant.

He was always watching her movements; she was his dearest friend, how could he not? The mark she held intrigued him but her spirit and will inspired him to be more than he ever was, than he ever will be. _I will not pretend to know her mind, but I do not enjoy seeing her troubled._ If that hobo apostate had anything to do with her mood…

Well, it wasn’t his place anyway. She would never _lie_ to him, right? It might be best if he mentioned how her eyes had changed. He distinctively remembered them like the color of a storm flashing against the open breach on their warped, dystopian future. Now? Now they looked eerily familiar to the glow that constantly emanates from her left hand. So yes, while it isn’t his place, he was most definitely worried about her.

_Do you hear magic?_

_Don’t your spells whisper things to you? What is and could be, music in the mid of strange, far-away places?_

_Then we don’t hear the same thing._


	5. whispers of the soul.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 5: whispers of the soul.

_You’re too bright. Like counting birds against the sun. The mark makes you more. But past it…_

_You reach across, mindful, meaning. You pull it through this side, make it real here._

“Cole. I may need your help with something. Will you listen?” Ellana was not accustomed to this Cole, spirit Cole, the _real_ Cole, but she will try. For him.

“You heard what they did back there. In Adamant.” She preferred not to recall Adamant, but she could see how the tavern’s regulars would still be wound up about it. The Wardens, the heroes the world never needed. Using blood magic to bring about a demon army. Foolishness. Madness. And yet, was she mad to have allied with them? Was Sera’s grateful smile and Blackwall’s relieved gesture not enough? Was Crestwood not enough? She had seen the Blight, had studied it and fought against it.

In the Fade, the warden dreamer wanted to know his fight was not in vain. Darkspawn blood, the key. Ellana frowned. How was she recalling what happened at Adamant so clearly? She hadn’t noticed her eyes had closed until she had opened them and saw Cole clinging to her.

“Enough!” She ripped her arm from his. “I apologize, Cole. This is not what I meant.” She should’ve realized Cole’s ability as a Spirit of Compassion would help her come to peace with her thoughts, but she did not want to use him. They were friends.

Cole smiled, nonetheless. “Did I help?”

She sighed. “Yes.”


	6. bunnies and makeup.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 6: bunnies and makeup.

_He thought if he didn’t have magic…I’m what he wanted to be._

_Him. But normal._

Lavellan had traced Samson to Emprise du Lion, but Empress Celene’s impeding assassination generated more urgency in the Inquisition than a few missing townspeople from Sahrnia.

_Not missing_.

She knew they weren’t missing. _The red templars are probably growing lyrium out of the “missing people”._ She was so certain of this, even before speaking to commander Cullen, that she hadn’t stopped to think _why_ she was so certain until now.

“Almost as if I already know…but that’s foolish.” She shook her head, as if willing the idea to go away. She had been somber the days following her dream in the Fade. She had never gone to Emprise du Lion, or anywhere else for that matter, before she was the Inquisitor. She had stuck to the Free Marches with her clan, traveling as the dalish are wont to do.

Lately, however, it seemed like she knew much more now than ever before. She had blurted out to the Commander that there was more going on. When Cullen pressed her for details, perhaps something she had garnered while collecting Samson’s notes, all she had to say was:

“I just feel this isn’t a case of kidnapping or missing people. I’m not sure _why_ Cullen, but something tells me I should investigate the village for duplicity.”

_Enough. The Inquisitor doesn’t have time to overthink. Time to act._

She donned a red lip and left for the ball.


	7. balls deep in love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 7: balls deep in love.

Halamshiral’s Winter Palace was everything a dalish could ever dream of, but dreadfully human. Lavellan’s time as the Inquisitor had honed her to “courtly intrigues”, so fake smiling her way through the entire event was easy when so many secrets were lying for the taking. At the end of the night only Celene and Briala prevailed. What use was it to her to entertain their petty Game when she saw how many people had _died_ just carrying out orders.

She had to admit, Solas wearing that _ridiculous_ hat did make her night lighter. As entertaining as unmasking Florianne was in front of everyone, she was relieved there was no fighting as she wasn’t sure how her companions were going to fare with how much they drank.

Solas was sweet _(and obviously tipsy)_ to come see her after everything was over and the way he placed his arms around hers made her feel so safe, so _relieved_ that she could finally relax and enjoy the festivities. He was pleased as well about Briala, she could tell. _I’m not sure it’s just because she’s an elf…and her spy network is interesting. What’s more interesting is his sudden interest in politics._

_Didn’t he dedicate his entire life to the Fade?_

A strong arm tightened its grip around her waist as she lay in sleep, softly pressing its hand into her stomach and giving her a gentle hug.

“Ar lath ma, vhenan.”

_Political gambits, broken promises, half-truths?_

_I’m pleased you had a good time._


	8. strange habits.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 8: strange habits.

_Has it affected you? Changed you in any way? Your mind, your morals, your…spirit?_

_You are not what I expected._

Back when she was with her clan she never thought to fuss about her personal appearance. Even now representing the Inquisition she never thought to find herself in this predicament.

_Has your hair grown?_

_You look beautiful with your hair long, vhenan._

She groaned out of frustration. How is it that she could charge against anything Thedas had to throw at her but became breathless and undone at his words? _It’s a curse_ , she thought, _it has to be._

She loved him. Ellana never thought to meet someone who was as interested and enamored with the Fade as she was, _more than she was._ Solas was a very peculiar person, in all aspects. She loved him…but she didn’t know if she trusted him. It hurt her head to think of _why not_.

But she’s dalish and her instincts never fail her.

Taking a short trip alone to The Black Emporium gives her the chance to see what has changed since Haven. Focusing on her face, she finally addresses what she had been trying to ignore since Corypheus tried to remove her mark.

“My eyes are green.” She placed a hand on the mirror, tracing the silhouette of her face. Keeper Deshanna often commented on how beautiful her eyes looked when she used her magic.

_“Like a raging storm.”_

She missed her clan. At least they were safe now in Wycome.


	9. all new, faded for her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 9: all new, faded for her.

Blackwall was not Blackwall anymore. She grinds her teeth just thinking about it, accepting the background report from Cullen. Now he’s _Thom_ who murdered an entire family because of coin, and he _lied_ _to her all this time but-_

Somehow, she knew and that is what unnerves her more than anything. Because _how_ would she know he wasn’t telling the truth about hearing the Calling. _How_ would she know he didn’t _really know_ what he talked about when she asked him questions about the grey wardens.

 _I’d never even met a grey warden before Blackw- Thom Rainier_ she corrected herself.

She hated how she _knew_ he wasn’t Blackwall but could never pinpoint _why_.

In truth it hadn’t bothered her that much before because she hadn’t known who he _really_ was…just that he wasn’t a grey warden. Still, she had accepted his offer of friendship and had seen his heart’s truth.

This… _Thom_ who condemned an entire family to their deaths because of greed and Orlesian politics, who later fled and left his men to take the fall. That man was not the same as this one; this Thom Rainier would give his life to right the wrongs of his past.

She would save him, for she saw everyone for what they truly were. Lavellan just hates the lies and _half-truths_ and the _who_ are _you, really?_

_Alas, so long the music plays, we dance._

Where had she heard those words before? Strange.

_I’m sorry._

_I’m not. I’m happy. I’m me again._


	10. remnants of the past.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 10: remnants of the past.

_You don’t laugh like a Tevinter._

_Oh no. You’re not allowed to laugh like that until you get your magister license._

They had tracked Corypheus down to the Arbor Wilds after managing to find a way to destroy Samson’s armor. Dagna was a very useful dwarf after all. She’s glad the girl could find a bigger role to play in the Inquisition as she’s sure the poor thing probably hears all sorts of comments about her interest in the arcane.

Morrigan had filled her in on the details concerning the Eluvians and the Crossroads. It was certainly a moment of _déj_ à _vu_. Seeing the mirror and crossing it gave her a peculiar sensation, almost like her nerves were set on fire for a moment. _The witch liked talking alone,_ she thought amused. _Something or the other elven past and mysteries. Sounds like a roundabout way of saying I want even more power._

Solas and her should’ve gotten along splendidly, considering they have interests in the same areas. They didn’t, hardly. She was too pretentious and believed she had the knowledge of the world in the palm of her hand, while he was only too happy to shoot down most of her theories concerning elven lore.

Lavellan was happy about it too; Morrigan didn’t rub her the wrong way. She was here to help, but the way she kept throwing in her face that she was _dalish_ and that she had more knowledge about her own _people_ was worse than Solas.


	11. reflections in the pond.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 11: reflections in the pond.

Ellana didn’t know what she was even doing anymore. Suffocating, she thought the well would kill her before granting its boon. It spoke in ancient elven language, impossible for her to understand, but how she _wished_ to. To bring back the remnants of her people’s past, share the knowledge she’d gathered in the temple and from Solas to the dalish and city elves of Thedas.

While unconscious, Ellana remembered standing in the middle of a pond filled with Mythal’s priests’ collective will. They spoke in rushed whispers, similar to her experience in her dream, pushing her down out of sheer will and magic.

_I am delirious._

_This can’t be real._

For in the water’s reflection, she saw herself but different. The conversation is changed; she had brought Solas, Cole and the Iron Bull with her to the Arbor Wilds, but the Lavellan in the water had brought Dorian instead of Cole.

It wasn’t the difference of companions that ultimately made her choke in shock, but the decision the woman took.

_“Morrigan, the Well is yours.”_

A dragon took hold of her vision and all of a sudden-

“Inquisitor, Inquisitor!”

With a sharp breath of air she was brought back to life and into the eyes of a very distressed apostate.

“I’m alright.” She grips his hands in assurance.

_I shed my name the day I began her service. I shed my new one again, now that she rests. I will only be known by the sorrow that cuts my heart._


	12. the only choice that matters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 12: the only choice that matters.

“ _You honor the past and work to recover what was lost, even if the cost is high_

_I respect that, and I am indebted to you for the reminder.”_

Varric was onto something when he said she had divine bad luck. She had wanted to summon Mythal alone, to get answers from the All-Mother, supposed elven _goddess._

Besides having to tame a dragon _alone_ , learning that she could be controlled by Flemeth and having to trek back from the shrine to Skyhold on her _own, everything was great._ At least she thought it was.

It wasn’t.

All she wanted was to be honest with Solas, to tell him what was bothering her. The words wouldn’t come out from her mouth and his despair at her choice left her with little to say.

Lavellan was too tired for this today.

She had only wanted to spend a moment of peace with him, one of the few moments she had to spare but-

“You have become important to me. More important than I could have imagined.”

“Your face. The vallaslin…”

“You are so _beautiful._ ”

“Ir abelas, ma vhenan.”

She loved him so much that when he broke her heart, she felt like her mark could just open a rift and consume her whole. The tingling sensation from the Veil grew stronger as she walked closer towards the lake. Touching the water with her marked hand, the ripples distorted her reflection into someone else.

And then a rift opened and swallowed her whole.


	13. time is a mortal construct.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 13: time is a mortal construct.

_“Is Cassandra defined by her cheekbones and not her faith?_

_Varric by his chest hair and not his wit?”_

As if the weird shit that happened to her wasn’t enough, she now found herself stranded in the _Fade._

_If this is a dream I better wake up now._

One look at her glowing hand confirmed her suspicion; it was the culprit. This time around she was by herself, not a spirit or demon in sight. Ellana gathered her wits and contemplated her surroundings. As a stark difference to the Nightmare demon’s lair, she recognized where she was. Before she was sent to the Temple of Sacred Ashes her clan had stayed near the forests closest to Wycome.

Standing in the quiet greenwoods, she focused on recalling the clearing where they used to camp.

_Could I try even if I’m physically here?_

Relaxed, she embraced the Fade’s magic as the background constantly changed around her. Cities, ruins, Haven, Skyhold, the rotunda, _no, Dirthavaren_ -

“Keep walking.” She huffed, trying to keep her balance with the constant change of scenery. She would get this right. She would find a way out of here. She would find a _way-_

_Finally._

She was not alone, however. Sitting at the campsite was someone she could not recall, but definitely dalish. He was young; tall, slim, kept his hair short. He had _vallalslin_ as well and she was stung by the reminder.

“Are you a spirit?”

The elf smiled. “Perhaps. I don’t remember what I am anymore.”


	14. spirits are people too.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 14: spirits are people too.

The spirit, elf, demon? said it was once Mahanon _._ He was First of his clan but could not recall most things.

“I believe I am sundered from myself. The other parts of me, each their own now, are out in the Fade. Somewhere, but the Fade is everywhere.” He held a gentle smile while inviting her to sit down with him. Ellana wasn’t sure whether to trust him but she guesses the reason why the Fade is stable is due to his presence, so she relaxes and sits near the campfire.

The scene changes into night, and a plethora of stars are suddenly in view.

“I remember these views. I cherished these moments with my clan the most. The quiet comfort of being safe, together.” Mahanon looked at her but it felt like he was looking _through_ her and not at her.

“I am not sure if these are my memories, but I hold them dear to me as well. I hold a lot of memories dear, yet I have forgotten why except that I must not forget them. Just my luck, huh?” The spirit chuckled and his easygoing nature finally made her give in and come closer to him.

“What do you remember?” He was so familiar to her.

“I remember…being called indomitable, marvelous.” She sees him smirk and readies a snarky remark,

“They also called me Inquisitor. I can’t recall _who._ ”

_And any that show magical talent are freed, are they not?_

_What? Spirits don’t have magical talent._


	15. revelations.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 15: revelations.

_“Wisdom knows enduring is pain._

_He hurts for her, another of many he couldn’t save.”_

Time and space didn’t exist in the Fade, so Ellana could not keep track of the hours she had spent talking with Mahanon. Supposedly once the Inquisitor, he had saved the world from destruction but embarked on a quest to find…something. He couldn’t recall anything else. His story was so achingly familiar to hers, his eyes and smile so recognizable that it hurt not to acknowledge it.

He was the image in the mirror of her dreams. He was the woman who decided on forsaking her people’s knowledge and giving it to Morrigan instead. He was the countless memories he held closest to him but could not tell her _why_ he felt they were dear to him. Instead, he talked about how he had memories of being Maxwell from Ostwick, whom had been the Inquisitor due to the explosion at the temple and had fallen in love with a mage called Dorian.

“That memory is one of the dearest to me, kind friend, as I feel my own memories intertwined in it. Sundered as I am, I cannot be certain.”

This spirit was her. They were _all_ her, like she was _them._

This path she had been pushed into, the path they had all been pushed into had formed whatever Mahanon was in the Fade. She almost cried but held herself together.

“It’s time I found my way back. Can you help me?”

“Of course.”


	16. unhealed hurt.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

CHAPTER 16: unhealed hurt.

“Is everyone alright?” The Inquisitor kneeled, gasping as she finally caught her breath after almost being singed by the Sandy Howler. The Hissing Wastes howled loudly before their victory, along with Iron Bull’s roar and Sera’s ecstatic laugher.

“Yeah! I mean, yes. I’m alive. _Really_ …alive.” Ellana felt alive as well. She needed to feel this, the close brush of death, her blood boiling from the adrenaline and the _fear_ of so much power. She still couldn’t look at Solas directly to his eyes but made a point to nod her head towards him and rightly received a nod back, along with a smile.

“I believe this is the tenth dragon you’ve slain, Inquisitor.” It was strange of him to make conversation considering their current state of events, but she indulged him, albeit a bit guarded. 

“It is, actually. We went to Emprise du Lion to kill those three high dragons after…” she faltered, shifting her eyes away from him, “finishing up some personal matters. I thought we’d be done with all that dragon business there, but I guess Bull got lucky there was one here too.” She cleverly diverted the conversation over to their qunari companion, who was still euphoric over his triumph.

“Anaan!” He laughed along with Sera; those two would never change. Solas did not respond but she found that from the corner of her eye she could see a slight smile form along his lips while he watched his companions. _It doesn’t matter anymore._

Corypheus was next.


	17. a common goal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if this Ellana Lavellan realizes some of her choices are not truly her own?” Where Lavellan learns that the choices that matter are often the most insignificant ones. History repeats itself, literally. Not a fix-it; no time travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will consist of 250 word snippets with character conversations in the middle that range post Adamant to Trespasser, since that’s when I got the inspiration for this. Post balcony kiss. Chapters are in chronological order.

Chapter 17: a common goal.

The events after Solas left her alone in Ghilan’nain’s Grove were still haunting her, mainly because of the consequences meeting the spirit had produced. She felt… _fade-touched. Would that even be the word for it? I’m not possessed…the well only confirms Mahanon was a spirit from the Fade, but when he touched my hand his left arm disappeared and I was brought back to the grove._ Cole had confirmed some of her suspicions, had said she felt “bigger than herself, but that has always been so."

Did Mahanon _merge_ with her? Was that _even a possibility?_ It would explain why she knew things more clearly know. She hadn’t known Dorian sold his family’s amulet to leave Tevinter and find a way into southern Thedas to save the world. It was commendable of him and she loved him more now.

Were she to ask Solas, she was sure he would tell her to doubt the veracity of her memories and thoughts, as they might be implanted by an illusion or an aftereffect of the Fade.

Lavellan knew more than that. Mahanon was _her_ , as were all the parallel Inquisitors that existed in the Fade, fated to save the world from a blighter magister. She would embrace his memories and remain the Inquisitor. All this time taught her, however, that things were not as simple as they seemed.

_What was I searching for? Duty? Honor? Purpose?_

_“no matter what comes I want you to know what we had was real.”_

Solas had disappeared.


End file.
